Fifteen

The idea of maturity was just mentioned to me. And I started thinking about it and really, the idea of maturity is just that. An idea. And even an idea that is quite fluid. Sure we have social norms for stating what is immature and mature, but the actual maturity of a person is not fact, but perception. I think everyone views them self as at least a little bit mature. I have always (or at least since 10th grade) viewed myself as quite mature for my age group. But am I really? I mean I think I am. However in certain situations I very much see how I might not be. I can handle difficult situations. I can control my emotion and my mind. And I think this allows me to be quite mature. However what if little things I do, that wouldn't even make it on to my radar of things that define me, stick out to other people as immature. I would think that would be an unfair picture of me, cause common. I'm quite mature when it comes to things I view as important. But one thought I'm having, is what if its not only the important things that define your maturity but the seemingly unimportant things too. Or at least on the perception of ones maturity. Because when I think about it, its not any big life decisions or actions that stick out to me on other people. Its little glimpses. Little actions, tones, fidgets and quirks that am I'm more likely to get that feeling of immaturity from. little things other people do that they probably don't even realize that make me question their maturity. And I think that could be true for how everyone judges others maturity.
And I think this sucks. Because being on the opposite end of it does not feel good. Having your entire maturity level questioned because of one action you made makes you, or at least me, feel shatteringly disappointed in myself.
Its also making me question. Am I really mature? I can act mature. When I need to (which is most of the time) I can pull my shit together and act/be mature. But when I let my guard down, am I immature? or do I just have immaturity slips. Because right now I'm feeling like I am just immature. And the actual person I am is immature. However this is all based on the idea that maturity is based on actions and expressions when ones guard is down. Maturity could also be based on how you handle things. And if that is the case, I'm as mature as I thought I was.
There is also the idea, if maturity is based off actions/expressions when ones guard is down, then do I , or anyone, really want to be mature. Because expressions come from thoughts. And in order to have mature expressions/ actions when your guard is down, All ones thoughts would have to be mature as well. Which would be ABSOLUTELY no fun.
But all this really goes back to individuals and how they perceive maturity. I honestly think its best to draw conclusions on others maturity levels, until you really know them, or actually, never.  I think its natural and ok to have fleeting thoughts of a persons maturity level, as long as you realize that you can will probably never truly know what their maturity is.
Maturity, I think, is almost a personal thing.