Seventeen

Depression is a funny thing. It is so elusive that sometimes I think its not real. I think that reality is what is fake and being lost inside your mind is the only true thing. Reality is a bunch of rules and standards that only limit you. Inside ones mind you can be whoever you want *are. Reality stunts ones ability to fully know who they are, to fully grasp the extent of oneself. Reality gives a model for what a person looks like: Good, Bad, Knowledgeable, Responsible, Respectable. In reality, everything is so defined, but in the mind you can think past thinking outside the box, just because reality says its so does not make it so. Nothing is really set in stone; mostly everything is a concept we collectively choose to except as reality.
So when one goes back and forth between their mind and reality, it is hard to find value in a life experienced in reality. When ones mind is so vast and so interesting, going back to the place with definitions and restrictions is hard. The mind makes reality seem so petty. So pointless. Useless. Insignificant and sorry. Inside the mind you can appreciate things more. You can feel more amazement and awe then ever before. There is such beauty in realizing things are not necessarily what they seem, or necessarily what they are defined as. I have found that living in reality will only allow you to be a certain amount of open. By exploring ones mind and living not by the confines of reality, but instead by the vastness of the mind, one can be truly, more open and truly be happy with themselves and be more purely sure of what they value.
Having whats important to you be what you can only experience in your mind, expands on how hard it is to live in the bounds of the idea reality. The awe of nature and serenity is much more gratifying and fulfilling than anything is reality could ever be. And so when reality and the standard of it, cannot be fulfilling, how am I supposed to be okay conforming to it?
But somehow, most everyone seems to. This leads me to believe that either i'm being over-dramatic, or no one else really experiences what I do by exploring my mind outside of reality. (or they just, somehow, put up with the disappointment of reality). To me, the idea of sleeping at night and achieving during the day is insignificant. The concept of the future. The concept of preparedness. The concept of good and bad. All insignificant compared to the boundless innards of what is ones mind. I cannot think of a less cheesy, comparison to the mind that is as accurate as outer space. Where reality is the world and the mind is space. Most everyone lives on earth. For many, that is all there is. All they know. But why confine oneself to the boundarys of earth when there is so much more to know in space. Why confine oneself to the boundary of reality when there is so much more to experience inside the mind.
Reality, and the people being confined by it, try to define what matters and what is important. But reality knows only of itself and the people confined to reality only know of it. So what they define as important is also confined by reality. But when you start looking outside of reality, definitions start to expand. Defining lines start to fade. Realitys standard for what matters is no longer concrete or taken as given. You open yourself up to whole new understandings and ways of experiencing things. You open yourself up to the possibility of true wonder. Which to me, is so much more meaningful than what lies within the boundary's of reality.