Five

Anxiety.  I don't even know what it is. But I know its terrible. I also know for me, its more of a physical thing than mental. The knot I get in my stomic, does however, make me want to die. I can't function and when I have anxiety, every time I think of anything remotely stressful I want to keel over; in fact I do. Sometimes the anxiety hurts worse then the depression. But it's even worse the two go hand in hand. When i'm anxious I also feel depressed. Except my mind, instead of going blurry, goes fast. My mind stays sharp and I can feel all the negative feelings that when i'm just depressed, I make numb. With anxiety, instead of not thinking at all,  I think too much. The only way I've found so far to get rid of anxiety is to go to sleep. Unfortunately I can't sleep when my mind is racing.
Luckily I don't have anxiety much anymore. But I've had it today and yesterday pretty bad. I'm afraid its going to start getting bad again. It was around this time that it got bad last year. I would rather be suicidal than anxious and lets be honest I get suicidal when I have anxiety anyway. I would almost to anything to get away from that horrid knot in my stomic.
It's all so strange how I get anxious over nothing. I don't really have anything to be anxious about. I just am. I used to get anxious even when my mom would just walk into my room. I have no idea why I would just curl up into a ball and beg her to leave. It was terrible. And it would be again.