Alright. This is what I think about relationships with me: In order for me to fully be able to enjoy having a full long term relationship, the person I date probably needs to start out as my friend. And I mean compleatley. I need to have gone through a minimum of 2 months where I was content with us being friends. H is perfect with that. We were friends for forever before I realized. And when I did I was already in love with him as a friend, so it was easy to feel comfortable with my feelings. Unfortunately I realized to late and before we had a good chance, he went away to collage. If he lived here, I would try to figure something out though.
And then with N. He's more complicated. I think I had a crush on him the first day I saw and heard him at church, when I was in 8th grade. I hadn't talked to him, and so the first time we were actually introduced in 9th grade I already had something for him and that grew. Maybe i'll right that whole story later, but in 10th grade I finally got over him and started dating Tyler. Those 8 months were nice. I was just friends with N and felt happy with that. I was able to even realize that I loved N, but again friendship wise. I'm not sure where I am now. I started liking him again a few months ago, but now i'm not sure (after all it had been 5 months). But my point was with both H and N, I feel I could have a solid enjoyable relationship because of our history and previous friendship.
It's kind of a scary thing to think about however, because it's sort of hard to find someone who you are able to feel content as friends with but then later want to be with. It takes time. I have known H and N both for more than 3 years. That's a long fucking time to wait just to find a good relationship. But who knows maybe i'll come around to Josh M. HA that would be interesting... But for now i'm ok with being single. Maybe i'll cave in just go after the chase, and have "flings". The only thing I will miss is not having someone to spend my time with.
I just wish N would actually follow through on that Sushi.
No comments:
Post a Comment