WOW. Big day. I got up at 6 o'clock to drive back from Indi  and to see N. And I did, for the first time in 5 months we hung out... sort of. But that is a full time brain buzz. I keep thinking about him. Not romantically, just how much I like him as a stupid great terrible person. Then I also ended things with J. Not just because if N, I had been planning to for a while. I told him I was in love with someone else. Which is pretty much true. I'm in love with H and N, and then a bunch of other guys. I'm really in love with the chase. And so in a major sense I am in love with someone else, I just don't know who.