Three

I have a boyfriend. So it's really sad that i'm hoping to find a spring break fling, when I go to the beaches of Alabama next week. Maybe I'm letting myself wish like this because I know it will never happen. Come to think of it though I've never been satisfied with the person I'm with. I wonder why that is. My instructor talked about how some people are addicted to love. She said that they love the rush they get when it first happens. She told the class about a friend she had that had 3 failed marriages because of it. I don't think I'm addicted to love, but I'm starting to worry that I might be addicted to that 'cat and mouse' game between people. That part when they first start developing feelings, and everything's flirty and fun.  I really hope I'm not addicted to that, but when I think about it, I realize I sort of crave it.
I think one problem is that relationships are easy for me. I know what to say, and how they work. As long as I'm myself I could make a relationship work with probably 60% of the male population. But making it work, doesn't mean I'm happy. So I wonder if, when I'm in a relationship, I think that I might be happier with someone else. But if I have this mentality, that means in every relationship I will always be second guessing, and I will end up ending a good thing just because I think I MIGHT have the potential to be happier with someone else.
This fling I wish for, is something I want because I feel like I can be purely happy, for a certain period of time, and then leave. No time to second guess, and no way to have a relationship that I will end up leaving anyway. I'm tired of this cycle. I don't like potentially hurting people. But thankfully I know how to handle it. I know what to say to make things better. Unfortunately that's what allowed for it all in the first place. I have to figure this out, and how to get better, or I'm going to end up with 3 failed marriages too.